


in between your bones

by likeafool



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, M/M, Mention of an Overdose, Self Esteem Issues, also posted on my tumblr, im gonna be super honest with you guys this is projection, jack zimmerman centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:20:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21564412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likeafool/pseuds/likeafool
Summary: jack zimmerman has always known that he was not destined for love.
Relationships: Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	in between your bones

**Author's Note:**

> this is also posted on my tumblr @straightonuntilmorning!! this is just me projecting, ngl. i hope you guys enjoy it!!

jack zimmerman has always known that he was not destined for love. he remembers curling up under his bed when everything got to be too much, with the sound of exploding fireworks and hockey practices and the resonating feeling of not being his father sinking into his bones. he remembers reading books there, in his own little safe haven, using a dimming flashlight as his only light. he remembers reading about love, how it will curl around you when everything feels unstable, the feeling of safety in your bones, how the feeling of someone loving you saves you. 

he knew that being saved was not written in the stars for him. 

his bones are crooked, shattered, engraved with every time that he was not enough. for his family, for his team. if he could never be good enough for his dad, then how could he ever be good enough for love? 

he has his first anxiety attack in a small bathroom in a hockey arena. it smells like sweat and socks and failure, he bit down so hard on his thumb that he bled trying so hard to not make sound. he plays though. he plays and he wins and he goes home and he still cries. everything is still coated with failure. how can anyone ever love a failure? 

he was put on anxiety medication at fifteen, his doctor acted as if it was the only thing they could do. he looks at his mom, at his dad, and the only thing he can see in their eyes is disappoint. how can they ever love him when he can’t stand on his own anymore? when he shakes with exhaustion? when he scratches his arms until he bleeds?

he overdoses at seventeen. he is sent to rehab. he doesn’t like to think about it. 

he meets shitty and lardo and ransom and holster. they ground him to the earth but he is still sinking. his bones are carved with every time he has felt he was worthless. he is glass. porcelain. at eighteen years old, he knows that nobody can love something so broken. 

he meets bitty, who reeks of sunshine and dewy grass and the scent of sugar. bitty is something that jack cannot name. bitty, curls up on soft couches and does the crossword. bitty chews on his pens and always has flour under his nails and has a habit of singing showtunes under his breath. bitty plants flowers in the spaces between jack’s rib cage. bitty is beautiful and whole and deserves more then anyone jack has ever met. 

jack knows that bitty is love. jack also knows that he doesn’t deserve it.


End file.
